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How to shit in the woods?

You can’t avoid it, you shouldn’t keep quiet about it, you shouldn’t step in it. All about taking a shit in the woods (and on other trips).

With the passing of holidays, the nature’s finest places are more and more covered with delicate waves of white and yellowish toilet paper. The penetrating stench of slowly decomposing cesspool floods over the most beautiful regions of our homeland. A private moment in charming corner results in weeks marked by smelly, slippery leftovers for the next newcomers.

How not to fall into these traps, so cleverly set by the next tourists on the trails, campsites, etc.?

The answer is simple – BE THE FIRST in the season. This mindset reminds me of the old BUSHMEN curse: “May the shit storm come down on you after I’m gone” but let’s remember – BUSHMEN put that curse on their enemies. The trouble is that by putting it into practice, we will spend our holidays in a cesspool – all of us.

Happily, the number and quality of public toilets is increasing, so the chances of finding a properly prepared one are getting better. On the other hand, however, such toilets are often closed so that people do not make them… dirty. There is also a lot of paid ones in places you don’t expect to have a coin or your credit card at hand. The world is not perfect.

Well, and how to do it  properly not making a mess by literally making one ?

Actually in the absolute majority of cases we can take care of ourselves in the so-called civilized conditions before the journey, and then enjoy the benefits of civilization at the next stops.

But it doesn’t work always. And when there is no regular toilet nearby ?

First, look for a secluded spot on the leeward side (go with the wind), a few dozen meters from the encampment (30 m is usually enough). If you have such a choice, look rather for a place on a hill, it is usually more windy, so apart from the obvious issue of smell, there are usually fewer insects here.

If you are in a group and staying overnight for example – designate and PREPARE ONE spot. When you move away from the group, tell someone where you are going and why (you give yourself a chance to be found if something happens).

There are two simple ways – let’s call them: 1/ bucket and 2/ shovel, from the basic tools you need to avoid leaving unnecessary traces.

 

1/ Bucket – basically any bucket that can be lined with a sealed (!!!) plastic bag (preferably bio-degradable). When you have finished or filled the bag, tie it up neatly, take the whole thing and gently dispose of the bag and its contents in a biodegradable waste container. When transporting this hazardous cargo, it’s a good idea to secure it by leaving it in a bucket (convenient handle and tight, sturdy walls is that what a bucket’s nature is and exactly that what you need), or by packing it in a second bag after removal (just in case).

A good option is to use BUSHMEN’s folding bucket – it’s easy to transport, can be successfully swept with a bag from the store, is easy to empty, and doesn’t feel like that you can sit on it.

I also recommend at the end of each sitting to sprinkle the remains with cold(!) ash, leaves or even earth. This will avoid bad smells and flies.

2/ If carrying your own crap is for any reason not feasible for you, use a shovel. Make sure the place you choose is not directly by the water, it will certainly be nice and the residue will quickly disappear, but in the morning you will be using the water to brush your teeth.

After choosing the optimal place, just dig a hole, not too wide and deep, about 15 cm, but rather not deeper. Thanks to this, the microorganisms living in the soil will quickly decompose it (and after all, it’s not the only thing you’ ve left for posterity).

When planning a longer stay in a given place, it is better to dig a groove than a large hole. That way, with each subsequent stay, you can elegantly backfill the remnants of yourself, leaving the place welcoming to subsequent visitors. Another solution for repeated use of the same hole is to cover it with a stone each time – but I rather do not recommend this unless you plan on setting a trap !

That’s all I can say.

Then there is only some advice on how to improve the comfort and safety of these moments of reverie:

– Do not sit directly on the bucket. Generally it will be uncomfortable, and if it is a plastic bucket, most likely it will not withstand the weight of your body and will break. I think there is no need to describe all the consequences in details, you have your imagination, don’t you?

– Make your own toilet seat – there are really plenty of possibilities  (limited only by your imagination, availability of materials and your personal sense of security). Below I give only a few proven solutions:

– A tree – the easiest solution is a tree. Simply hold onto the tree or a branch with your hands during this intimate encounter with nature.

– Two sticks stretched between trees – look around the area you have chosen beforehand, you will probably find two trees not far (about one meter) from each other. Tie a strong pole or branch to one side of the tree trunks, thus connecting the two trees at about knee height – this is a place to sit

Tie a second pole on the other side of the trunk slightly above the first pole (usually about 20 cm) – this is a back support. In general, the thinner the tree, the greater the difference in height between the poles, but I recommend that you simply test the optimal position.

– Tree support – a pole or branch tied to crosses (poles driven into the ground and tied together in an x-shape) at both ends. It serves as a thigh support, the back support is the tree. I do not recommend this method primarily because it is difficult to dig a hole directly under the tree, or even to set the bucket straight (roots get in the way). However, it is worth knowing this method, because it opens the field for its numerous modifications and improvements. Such as :

Combination of both above methods – properly prepared cross-bars (with one leg much longer) replace the tree trunk(s). Crossbars are tied respectively to the intersection of the cross-bars – thigh support, and to the longer leg – back support.

– Fallen tree – usually a perfect place, where you just need to find a branch thick enough to sit comfortably and… bucket/pit – ready.

And when there are no trees, no rocks, no bag, no bucket and no shovel?

Dig a hole with a stick, your hand, whatever. Backfill with leaves, sand, do as much as you can.

BUSHMEN says: “Do it in such a way that you’ll want to come back here tomorrow”.

Just do this much and that much.

 How to make a latrin by Dan Lawton

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